Looking back…

Looking back through my art journal tonight and God is so amazing. I made these pages in my art journal over the Christmas holiday when my little sister was here. I was still drinking heavily then but in my spirit I knew something big was coming. The blank face with a blue background definitely represented how I felt then and surely how I appeared.

The blue dragonfly has so much symbolism to me. Last summer when I was struggling with depression and anxiety to the point that I didn’t know if I really wanted to live anymore, I went fishing with my dad. These beautiful blue dragonflies (actually damselflies) kept landing on me. I felt my spirit stir. After I got home I couldn’t stop thinking about them so I Googled them: they represent “breaking down illusions, seeing the truth in situations, swiftness, change, transcendence, winds of change, wisdom and enlightenment… Dragonflies can cause us to question the illusion which we call reality, particularly that part of our realities which hinders our ability to grow and create transformation/change in our lives”. I knew I had to have courage to give up my crutch and trust God; just another way alcohol warped my way of thinking to lead me believe I couldn’t be happy without it.

The hourglass represented knowing instinctively this chapter of my life was closing. The hope chest represents everything I never dared to believe could come true, although deep down I wanted it to.

The purple and blue pages were my “use it up” pages from something else I was working on. I hate wasting beautiful colors and scraps so I throw them on a blank page. They often turn into some of my favorite journal pages.

I don’t know why I was so afraid to live life without being in a wine soaked haze. There is so much more out there!

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