Friday started as such a beautiful day. I took Dillon to school, Logan to daycare so I could get some rest, then on a whim decided to take the back roads via Bootlegger Road home. The standing water on the side of the road left various ponds; swans, geese, and even a few Mallard ducks graced me with their presence. Dillon came home from school, we napped, then he got Logan as Nate went to buy a plow from a retiring farmer. We came home and Dillon left to go to the circus.
Then after Dillon left for the circus with his friend I looked at my hospital results. My CT scan report said a 1.5 cm opacity in the right upper lobe, likely infectious–follow up with CT in 4 months to make sure it was resolved. Despite my ER doctor reassuring me it was infectious, my mind went to the worst case scenario after looking through the CT scan report.
I Googled it. Dear Lord, everyone knows how much I love my Google search, but please break my Google search engine when it comes to me looking up anything medical pertaining to me!!!! I am a nurse, not a doctor…I know enough to scare myself silly and not enough to be practical!
After wasting so much time wondering, “What if…” I finally made myself do my devotions and dear old Oswald is waiting for me. I feel like Oswald Chambers’ My Utmost for His Highest is like my discipline devotion–he’s not afraid to tell me like it is, even if it does make me flinch sometimes–he has a way of getting to the core of any idea or belief that is not of God and exposing it.
“Have we been slandering God by daring to worry when He has said, ‘Seek he first the Kingdom of God, and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you?’
By worrying, I am pretty much telling God I don’t trust Him and I believe He means to leave me in a lurch, despite all that He has done and how often He has shown me the opposite.
“Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not be afraid…” John 14:27
I woke up Saturday feeling worse. Despite Oswald telling me to trust God, I was miserable and couldn’t help thinking of the worst. I think it was because I had taken my last dose of the prednisone that I felt like let me function—and my neck was killing me. Motrin, narcotics, nothing was helping but heat. (Nate should have been a doctor–he took one look at my posture on the couch with my cell phone and diagnosed it–text neck!!) We had arranged for the boys to have their pictures taken Sunday and Logan still needed his first haircut. His hair was getting so long my daycare provider’s husband started to tease me when I was going to get it cut. As Nate attempted to hold on to Logan at the beauty shop the ER called for me. One of my cultures had grown out strep. They added on another antibiotic after I told them I was still feeling pretty crummy. In less than 1 minute this phone call resolved my worries and reassured me. Then I found this page on the internet that explained more about strep pneumonia and it made so much more sense.
By letting my heart be troubled by worries, I am telling God I don’t believe in His promise, or His character. “His peace is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will keep your thoughts and your hearts quiet and at rest…” Philippians 4:7
It was a good day today. Put together the chicken noodle soup blog post, spent time with my boys, Nate was ecstatic his new plow worked beautifully with his tractor, then Chelsea came out and took pictures of the boys. I pray for healing–I’m ready to get back to normal & see what You have next for me. I love Sarah Young’s message this morning–
“When your mind spins with a multitude of thoughts, you cannot hear My voice…”
“My sheep listen to My voice; I know them and they follow Me. I give them eternal life and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of My hand…” John 10:27-28