A Mother’s Heart

a mother's heart

My mom always says growing older is not for the faint of heart, but I’m realizing being a mom isn’t either. It has a way of revealing my insecurities and doubts, magnifying my shortcomings, and encouraging me to be a better person.

Dillon is getting older, and with that more independence. He struggles with containing his emotions and has a temper that gets him into trouble. Yet he has a heart of gold and is hardest on himself; a difficult combination to figure out how to discipline.

I remember when my brother was about Dillon’s age, he stole a piece of candy from the restaurant in Shelby. My parents saw it and made him take it back and apologize. He never did it again. I remember my other brother stealing a piece of gum from the grocery store, but he got caught. My mom picked him up and after a good scare from the friendly police officer, he never did it again.

Dillon is about the same age as they both were, and the temptation was too much for him as well. He saw a TracFone cell lying around and decided he needed it. Nate saw it and made him return it right away, but still the feeling resides–are we failing as parents?

This world has changed so much since I was in high school in 2000. Cell phones were around then, and I had one, but the only game it had on it was Snake. There was no apps to download, no sexting…

I wonder how we keep our kids from making mistakes that could have a ripple effect on the rest of their lives. Discipline–are we too lenient? Too strict? Spanking doesn’t really work with Dillon, and I believe he’s too old for that anyway. How do we get him to understand with every action, good and bad, comes consequences?

Being a parent is scary–the responsibility to we have to God, our families, and society is huge.

I initially made this background last weekend. I didn’t know quite where I was going with it at the time. Then a few days later Dillon and I went to a BBQ and he was exhausted from a weekend of too much and had an epic meltdown. We came home and I had a little meltdown of my own. I reached out to a mom’s Facebook group and was met with reassurance and advice from women who have been there.

Then I knew exactly what I wanted to do with this piece–that would be named ‘A Mother’s Heart’. I wanted it to be a little shabby, a touch beat up, but a color palette of hope. My process video is on YouTube here, showing how I made it. I originally had glued black beaded lace but decided I didn’t like it…it didn’t quite flow, so I tore it off. The hot glue made some of the canvas peel up, and I could have covered it up, but I loved the effect it gave. The strips of paper are actually tea bags that I rinsed off and dried. The cardboard from the heart came from a package that I received (it was the backing).

The video is sped up 20x and is a little shaky at times…sorry!

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